#14 ‘TimeLess’

ELEMENTARY

14.

‘TimeLess’

Nothing makes you start living your life like seeing a body lying in front of you without the person that inhabited it in it. Eyes from which the soul moved out. Motionless fragility decomposing in front of you.

My father was negotiating with the creator for a long time. Years were passing and he was proving again and again that he will win over death, over God. Operation after operation, less and less of his body was coming back home until one day several bags were hanging out of him to make it possible to have just a little more time. The last operation was experimental. No guarantee, no responsibilities. No care provided. The time he gained was spent in agonising pain, desperation and loneliness. I watched him having long silent conversations with God those days. His one and only bitter enemy... 

Once, a beautiful realisation came to me brought by an angel that paid me a visit in my own painful moment of struggle. “We live to nurture and make the energy, that we experience as ourselves, grow and become more noble, strong and powerful”, she said. Just as it had enough strength to find our hearts at the very first moment of our life, it must be strong enough to rise back to its source at the last. Not sending back the light of our essence and collected knowledge is a waste of our life. The angel told me that anger drains the power of life, that life spent in anger makes our essence a candle that burns till the end and turns into a fine line of smoke in the dark. The dark that is all around. Eternal. Hell, they call it, in the books. 

That day, seeing my father leaving, I fell in love with death, the one and the only thing we fear as we go on with the business of living, trying to collect more and more proof that it matters to someone that we are here. Trying to feel that it matters to ourselves that we are here,  pushing away the only certain event that will happen to all of us. The only guarantee we have as we are alive. 

I fell in love with the journey and the path. As we walk towards the light that will receive us back, we forget that the gate is the purpose. There, we will take off the body like a heavy coat, leave the self like a vessel and go on being what we always used to be. The last breath that makes us awaken will lead us back to the eternal embrace of love, or something for what our perception of love is only a reflexion of and we have no word for, where we will say our name backwards and unite with the source again. Where we float just because it is. Selfless light without any time passing.

I fell in love and started living that day, feeling that there is no death, only fear of it.

Since then, I am only asking myself, why the fear?